Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
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Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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