I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
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i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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