my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize