I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
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hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
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There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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