Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize