you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
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He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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