well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
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Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
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At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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