We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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