i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
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My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
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And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize