Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
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Semen is not good for contacts.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
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I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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