me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize