If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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