Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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