we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
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We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
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This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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