i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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