You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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