So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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