the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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