my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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