We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
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we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
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Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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