Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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