1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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