i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
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