where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
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He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
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How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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