that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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