So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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