I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize