So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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