I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
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Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
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We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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