i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
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