Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
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she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
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Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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