I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize