Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
oh god was she eating orange peels again
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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