Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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