Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize