Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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