he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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