I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize