just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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