Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize