so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize