my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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