I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I would ride that face into the sunset
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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