We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
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im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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