I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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