I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
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I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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