I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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