He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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