Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
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Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
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I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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