I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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